Your typical beng!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
















So I was surfing the place that didn't exist when I saw this photo. Nah beh. Lim beh thought is char bor. Then knn end up become tar bor. Bloody bishounens.

Japan is really a cesspool of ideas. Look at the lolitas and the goths and the emos there man. Damn cool place to be in. Cool till' our teenagers wanna imitate. Like Jeslyn! That day I was like looking at my MSN block list. Then I saw this girl:

Miniistry 0ff harrtbreakss: Fr0mm japp t00 g0thhic, shudden channgee

Then after a while I looked again, this time it was:

Miniistry off harrtbreakss: I amm evill xia00 mann t0uu, I'll crushh eurr b0nness andd drinnk eurre bl00d.


FUCK! I just cannot get the images out of my brain! Jitao gothic pac man! She already looked like a vampire to start with, now she wanna be gothic!? WTF!? The ancient goths are roiling in their graves! This travesty cannot be go unpunished! The dark Gods are displeased!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Oblivion is god.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Gamers unite!

The human imagination is an amazing thing. As children, we spend much of our time in imaginary worlds, substituting toys and make-believe for the real surroundings that we are just beginning to explore and understand. As we play, we learn. And as we grow, our play gets more complicated. We add rules and goals. The result is something we call games. Now an entire generation has grown up with a different set of games than any before it - and it plays these games in different ways. Just watch a kid with a new videogame. The last thing they do is read the manual. Instead, they pick up the controller and start mashing buttons to see what happens. This isn't a random process; it's the essence of the scientific method. Through trial and error, players build a model of the underlying game based on empirical evidence collected through play. As the players refine this model, they begin to master the game world. It's a rapid cycle of hypothesis, experiment, and analysis. And it's a fundamentally different take on problem-solving than the linear, read-the-manual-first approach of their parents.

In an era of structured education and standardized testing, this generational difference might not yet be evident. But the gamers' mindset - the fact that they are learning in a totally new way - means they'll treat the world as a place for creation, not consumption. This is the true impact videogames will have on our culture.

Society, however, notices only the negative. Most people on the far side of the generational divide - elders - look at games and see a list of ills (they're violent, addictive, childish, worthless). Some of these labels may be deserved. But the positive aspects of gaming - creativity, community, self-esteem, problem-solving - are somehow less visible to nongamers.

I think part of this stems from the fact that watching someone play a game is a different experience than actually holding the controller and playing it yourself. Vastly different. Imagine that all you knew about movies was gleaned through observing the audience in a theater - but that you had never watched a film. You would conclude that movies induce lethargy and junk-food binges. That may be true, but you're missing the big picture.

So it's time to reconsider games, to recognize what's different about them and how they benefit - not denigrate - culture. Consider, for instance, their "possibility space": Games usually start at a well-defined state (the setup in chess, for instance) and end when a specific state is reached (the king is checkmated). Players navigate this possibility space by their choices and actions; every player's path is unique.

Games cultivate - and exploit - possibility space better than any other medium. In linear storytelling, we can only imagine the possibility space that surrounds the narrative: What if Luke had joined the Dark Side? What if Neo isn't the One? In interactive media, we can explore it.

Like the toys of our youth, modern videogames rely on the player's active involvement. We're invited to create and interact with elaborately simulated worlds, characters, and story lines. Games aren't just fantasy worlds to explore; they actually amplify our powers of imagination.

Think of it this way: Most technologies can be seen as an enhancement of some part of our bodies (car/legs, house/skin, TV/senses). From the start, computers have been understood as an extension of the human brain; the first computers were referred to as mechanical brains and analytical engines. We saw their primary value as automated number crunchers that far exceeded our own meager abilities.

But the Internet has morphed what we used to think of as a fancy calculator into a fancy telephone with email, chat groups, IM, and blogs. It turns out that we don't use computers to enhance our math skills - we use them to expand our people skills.

The same transformation is happening in games. Early computer games were little toy worlds with primitive graphics and simple problems. It was up to the player's imagination to turn the tiny blobs on the screen into, say, people or tanks. As computer graphics advanced, game designers showed some Hollywood envy: They added elaborate cutscenes, epic plots, and, of course, increasingly detailed graphics. They bought into the idea that world building and storytelling are best left to professionals, and they pushed out the player. But in their rapture over computer processing, games designers forgot that there's a second processor at work: the player's imagination.

Now, rather than go Hollywood, some game designers are deploying that second processor to break down the wall between producers and consumers. By moving away from the idea that media is something developed by the few (movie and TV studios, book publishers, game companies) and consumed in a one-size-fits-all form, we open up a world of possibilities. Instead of leaving player creativity at the door, we are inviting it back to help build, design, and populate our digital worlds.

More games now include features that let players invent some aspect of their virtual world, from characters to cars. And more games entice players to become creative partners in world building, letting them mod its overall look and feel. The online communities that form around these imaginative activities are some of the most vibrant on the Web. For these players, games are not just entertainment but a vehicle for self-expression.

Games have the potential to subsume almost all other forms of entertainment media. They can tell us stories, offer us music, give us challenges, allow us to communicate and interact with others, encourage us to make things, connect us to new communities, and let us play. Unlike most other forms of media, games are inherently malleable. Player mods are just the first step down this path.

Soon games will start to build simple models of us, the players. They will learn what we like to do, what we're good at, what interests and challenges us. They will observe us. They will record the decisions we make, consider how we solve problems, and evaluate how skilled we are in various circumstances. Over time, these games will become able to modify themselves to better "fit" each individual. They will adjust their difficulty on the fly, bring in new content, and create story lines. Much of this original material will be created by other players, and the system will move it to those it determines will enjoy it most.

Games are evolving to entertain, educate, and engage us individually. These personalized games will reflect who we are and what we enjoy, much as our choice of books and music does now. They will allow us to express ourselves, meet others, and create things that we can only dimly imagine. They will enable us to share and combine these creations, to build vast playgrounds. And more than ever, games will be a visible, external amplification of the human imagination.

FOR THE DARK LORD! COWARDS DIE IN SHAME! IDLENESS LEADS TO HERESY!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Obssessed man!

Just realised that I'm damn obsessed with buying guitar picks. Somehow I just love to buy them man. Just love the way how it feels in my hand. Better then boobs. They come in extra hard, hard, medium and light versions man! Gotta catch em all!

Got my results. Damn sucky. Shan't talk about it.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Long long trip!

Back from my Hatyai/Penang trip! Damn fun I say! More like a food trail. My ma and my aunts were eating non stop. I was like wondering why they're like gaining weight even though she seldom eat at home. Well now I know.

First day wasn't that interesting. Went to the local market and had breakfast. Walked around the marketplace. Went back to the hotel and slept. Decided that going out wasn't that fun after all. Stayed at the hotel and basically rotted.

The trip to Hatyai was interesting! I Had to sit at the front of the van cos' the back is packed. And so I sat there. There was this Thai driver who put Thai rock songs into the music player and he was singing there. His voice is quite nice! So I tapped out the beat and he gave me a quizzical look. Huan lo la. Then continued tapping out the beat and he continued singing. First time to Thailand man. When we crossed the border, there was this big potrait of the King of Thailand and the princess or whatever! Damn cool! I wanna be king next time man! Like Lion King! Not liang po po's lion king, but LIONG KING! Reached the hotel. Some Siam Center Hotel. Quite nice + cheap! 40 Singapore Dollars! Decided to walk around Hatyai. Damn hot ok.

The Thai people are really the most fantastic people! Even though you really cannot decide whether this person is a guy or gal due to the sex change operations, they are really damn friendy. You catch their eye, and they will flash you one damn sincere smile! Then if you are lost they will help you without even you asking!

Now before I go on, I really must elaborate on this aunt's friend. She came along for this trip and she was THE BITCH. Jeslyn pales in comparision man. She is like 60 years old but she still acts like Joanna's age! She would throw her tantrum over stuff like "Oh, I couldn't find this and that" or "I don't wanna pay for that" and my poor aunt has to por her. Eh knn leh. Come vacation don't like that la.

Whenever my mum and my bunch of relatives go out, they would put some cash inside this pouch and get someone to be the "finance manager" for the day. So basically, the lucky chap gets to pay for food using the money in the pouch. So each of us put 500 bucks inside the pouch. The @#%#@$ did like wise. But whenever we wanted to spend some money on food, the $%^#@$@! would stare at us as if we all are like robbing her in broad daylight. WE EAT THE FOOD. INCLUDING the lady. But she would grumble and nag.

Eh. Is this the first time you go out with my folks? We eat everywhere we go 1 leh. Inside toilet see got spider like tasty oso can eat. Joking. But no. She would grumble. Eh. We asked for your opinion on whether you wanna eat her and you gave us those "Le ai jiak jiak la!"

Then if my aunt didn't por her she would really frigging punish herself just to make us guilty. Really. On the last day, the lady did not eat at all. Cos' she couldn't buy some pia or whatever. I think that she is secretly a Jew with chinese and Indian ancestries. No one in the right mind would do that man.

Anyway back to the topic. We ordered food in the restaurant. Including lobsters. The chef ended up lobbing up shrimps instead of lobsters. Stunned puberty. Like me and Hock Yew. Nyeh. Went out to shop again. Didn't buy anything this time. Case closed.

Next day. Woke up and had breakfast at the hotel. Went out to shop(why am I not suprised) and eat again. Again. Nothing much actually. Came back and went to the massage parlour. First time massage so like very the very the shy arh. Then my mum was like damn funny. She said:

"Eh bian. Bu yao special service hor."

"Orh."

I dunno they male or female still want extra service?! I have extremely high standards towards the people I pass my genetic code to ok?! MUST BE FEMALE!

The lady(I think) just massaged me fer like 2 hours. 240 baht which means it's like 10 bucks. Cheap man. What's more the lady, according to my niang's opinion, is the ultimate compared to her's. Ok. Point noted.

Came back. Ordered the room service. The beef steak must have came from Niu Mo Wang cos the steak is damn tough! Had trouble eating! Slept after that.

And I woke up with the most horrendous stomachache + gastric pain. Knn must be the beef steak! "Even in death I still serve." Quote from Dreadnought in Warhammer 40k. Nevermind. I went to see a doctor in Thailand. The doc speaks mandarin! Hooray! So I had my medicine. Took the van back to Penang. By that time I reached there, my fever was raging. Went to the room and slept. Almost took a plane back. But in the end I slept through and KJ won the battle against E. Coli bateria! 3 cheers for my immune system! Death to virii and bateria that cause infirmity!

Damn lazy to blog. Tmr la.

Friday, February 24, 2006

I must make my own sex video liao man!

"Your enthusiasm is more important than you realize. Unlock your inner cheerleader."

Wah kao! Unlock my inner cheerleader? Later like Tammy how?

That Tammy girl is damn poor thing. Now the whole world knows that she had sex with someone. Even the forum I frequents knows that her sex video was out there. There's everyone's trading her videos online man! Wasted she's not Paris Hilton or else she could have gotten a job as a model! Kena fucked by society man. Last I heard, she is facing expel?

WTF? Expel her for? Having sex with another man and getting caught? Or ruining the school's reputation? This is unfair man.

Then somemore there's this big mainstream media hoo-haa. It seems that we Singaporeans are still damn sheltered. Hey, every teenager out there is not promiscuous nor are we sexual creatures! Nan mo orh mee tuo fuo and amen for good measure. Please my fellow countrymen. There's no need to write to Straits Times to say that you are disgusted with the moral decay of our society and infidels should be struck down by the wrath of God. She made a mistake, yes, but I believe that pre-maritual sex exists in your generation too. Hell, you might even had taken part in it. So don't cover your eyes with the fabric of society norms. Do not stick your head into the sand. Teenagers, just like you at that age, have sex.

Get over it good sirs and madams.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Wedding bells are ringing!

I'm so dead! I went to meet up with my mum and kid brother just now. Went to Swenson's to eat! Had my usual black pepper steak. Actually I wanna eat some ice cream but the bunch of school girls beside me were damn noisy. Then some more cannot eat properly cos' got school girl beside mah. Must act shuai. Just like Jeslyn "Eh KJ step shuai!~" It's all a facade my friend.

Went to Singtel to sign up for the 10MBPS plan thingy. When I was going up, I saw a familiar face. Guess who? JOANNA! She was going down the escalator and she said "Si Fei Zhu!" My mum heard it and she said Joanna was cute. DIE BOY! Mahmee arh. I don't want to marry Joanna arh!

Went to sign up for the Singnet thing. Then we went to Starhub to cancel off my 6 years old Maxonline connection. Starhub just lost another loyal customer due to inattention to our needs. I mean, WTF?! My internet connection can disconnect every 15 minutes? Eh please leh Starhub, I downloading the NYP video leh. Must think of the needs of your customers mah. Then when I was sitting there and talking to the guy, I saw 1 bowl of STARHUB sweets! So I took 1 and ate it. Tasted just like Starhub. Sweet on the outside, sour in the inside. What's more it's apple flavored. Original Sin = StarHub.

Ok. Lemme go Hub with my MBS notes.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Music is not just for the rich.

Had my performance today! Damn funny! I went to the restaurant at like 10.20. Wearing that stupid black and white formal attire. Then there was this uncle there who said this to me:

Uncle:"Eh xiao di(To me and my brother), ni men kuai dian qu li mien zuo gong leh! Zai deng shen me?" [Eh boys? You all still outside? Don't want go in work?]

KJ: "Erh Huh?"

Uncle: "Zhuo gong!"[Do work!]

KJ:"Eh, uncle, wo men bu shi ze li de waiter!"[Eh uncle, we are not working as waiters here!]

Knn. Black and white shirt sucks! Then the uncle just had to save face in front of his employee. He told me"Eh bu yao ba ni jiao fang qiang bi na li."[Eh, don't put your leg against the wall!]

Kena fucked by uncle early in the morning. Then went to sit down. Hahah! I just realised that with my gold looking hair I look damn beng. My mum recorded a video of us performing and really arh. Damn it. Too bad I cannot post the video up here or else Joshua Ang the 18 Siao'er + Jeslyn the ex 18 siao'er will come whack me up till I forget my papa's name man. But it's alright. I don't wear my black and white Charlie Chaplin + Waiter's attire out everyday. Hope Joshua don't come TP or else he whack me when I eating my favourite black pepper steak:<

Ah bengs are in demand nowadays man. Look at Jack Neo's new movie I Not Stupid 2. Wah. Got so many bengs sia. Not Joshua or Shaun, but those cameos. Never get me to join! Eh! I ambassador of bengs in TP Law and Management ok? See me no up. Then summore can see Joshua Ang and Shaun Lee who is Singapore's Shaun Yue(Pin Ji pukes!)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Progressive loss of maturity.

Which isn't a bad thing! Sheena brought hell of a lot of stuff to play in school yesterday! There were like those plastic balloons which you can blow out using some plastic straw. Donno how to explain la. When you were a child you confirm play before. Then we blew loads of them. At level 5 of TP business main building. Damn fun! Then we brought those balloons which you can twist into animals and what not! Damn fun also! We even gave Poh Bee 1!

At the end of the peer appraisal thingy, we drank wine. In school! Damn style man! Hahahaha! This is what I call fun! Played with yoyos. Attended the last LSM lecture! Mam Goh was like asking "What is the chamber in the Parliament house?" and the bastard in me just had to shout "TOILET!" Fun!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

So I got tagged! By Van neh neh!

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.Need to mention the sex of the target.Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged.If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

So without further ado, I shall elaborate on my PERFECT MAN LOVER!

Disclaimer: This post is a satire. Any resemblance of anyone, living or dead, is purely by coincidence.

Target: Man

1. The target man cannot be a pussy! He must be like:

Manly arh. Can lie on the shoulders and sing Qing Tian *Shy*. The muscles must be damn big arh! At least must have Hiap Seng's size!



2. Must be self sacrificing. Like:

But cannot sacrifice too much until my dar dar kena nailed arh.




3. Must be very very intelligent! Like:








The one on the right! HAHAHAH!

4. Must be rich! Like:










5. Must be romantic arh. So can sing Lan Man Shou Ji.




And also like BrokeBack Mountain man. BREAK MY BACK HONEY! Ok. Sounds very wrong.

6. Can sing very very well! Just like!:





Wei Lian! w000h000! Seen his new girlfriend? You know the answer!

7. Can protect me from all evil! I want something like a mix of buddha + daredevil! w000h00!

.8. Last but not least. CANNOT BE STUPID!

8 lucky bastards!

1. Wai Kwan

2. Shi Ying

3. Wine!

4. Pin Chen

5. Zhen Hao

6. Melissa

7. Wen Ting

8. Sheree!

Rock on dad!

I was like playing Wei Lian's Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin when my dad came in. He told me really loved this song! I said I agree! Come on I sang this song with Hiappy! Then guess what? My dad sang this song! With his deep baritone voice! Damn cool la! Then my brother beside me started drumming on the table and I sang along with my pops. Damn cool can? Impromptu band! Somemore with your dad! Rock on dad!

This New Year like damn song. I think can say I'm celebrating my coming of age or something! Reunion dinner I drank myself silly. Da Nian Chu Yi too. The second day I watched an NC16 show. Then went home and had a can of beer again. The third day I went to Timbre to watch Dominc Wong Chern Loong perform. His band damn good k? And we drank. Surprise surprise! And played Dai Dee. Damn fun!

Then ytd I went back home and saw this topic on LUE. Said something about drawing moustache on your face. And I was game. So here's the peektures so I continue talking! Doctrine of No Picture No Talk arh.




























Like Ranjit Singh plus Jesus plus Arnold Schwazzeneger!

Hahaha! Insane.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

New year!

I was like wondering why my guitar didn't emit any damn sound. Playing the thing for like 1 hour. Before I realised I didn't switch on the Amp. Damn! Haha!

New year coming liaos. But this time it doesn't really feels like a new year? Cos the projects are like strangling me. Fuck it. The people who said Poly life is easy should be hanged.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Sianz!

Tiok warning letter liao. Criminal law. Sibei sianz siaz. I jitao got go all Crim Law lor. Nah Beh is all late. Knn.

Friday, January 20, 2006

TP Open House!

Time to squeeze in another blog post before I go school and study crap! YTD's open house was fun! Had this chat room thingy. When the secondary school students came in, we started shoving them some Law and Management pamphlet. Then Hock Yew was like beside the Law booth. Hahahah! BIT no one! SONG BOH HOCK YEW?! Law is the best babe. Talked crap with a lot of my seniors. Lol. Like everything under the sun needs LOR!(LAW!)

Monday, January 16, 2006

"This animal looks like a giraffe. It is only known for hundreds of years by the natives. It lives in Central Africa."

Hahah! This riddle stumped me and Rachel when we read it in LSM lesson! Rachel got this riddle from her dear sister Tracy. And Tracy is only primary 5. Wah biang oi. Guess what's the answer? An othaki or something! WTF IS AN OTHAKI?!

"The creature is over 3 metres in length. It lives near water and eat small mammals."

We thought it was a crocodile. But it ended up being a KOMODO DRAGON! OMG TRACY! Primary 5s nowadays.

LSM presentation next week! Die liao mens!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Die mens. Projects all chasing after me! In Soviet Russia, Projects do you!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Fucking chee bye lan jiao com!

Knn! Lim beh tan zeh wu Crim Law peer tutoring! Kan ni na bu eh! Wah eh dian nao crash arh! Chee bye la! I zoh ga swee swee eh notes long zhong trap in lim beh eh hard drive! Kan ni na lan jiao chee bye qoo niang pu bor!

Ok. Enough ranting! So basically I called my bro just now who is in camp. The guy took my floppy drive and he hid it somewhere. Must be inside Narnia.

KJ:Eh floppy zai na li?
Bro:Eh! Zai subwoofer hou mian! Knn ni next time yao call wo de shi hou please zhao hao yi dian!
*Kap*

CHEE BYE LA! Which sane guy on the street would put the fucking floppy behind the subwoofer? WTF?! It is like sensitive equipment? And he was the guy who would own my bloody virgin ass because I didn't ground myself when I have to work with equipment? WHY?! WHY?

Oh God why do my motherfucking com crash everytime when there's a dateline? She's such a nice gal when there's no projects to rush, but when the shit starts to come, damn! Confirm + double chop stamp die!

Monday, January 02, 2006

A new year mens!

2005 died and 2006 was born! w00t! Ok getting lame. Watched King Kong a few days ago. Quite nice. But some screen time can be devoted more to the Script writer instead of the girl. Ahh well.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Rapidly coming to an end mens!

The year is rapidly coming to an end mens. On looking back, this year had been a year full of changes? And slacking! There are like 8 months of holidays this years! Song boh?! And drastic change from Sec school life to Poly life arh. Not that I will do my work anyway! I shall geh kiang and make resolutions!

1.)Study harder
2.)Grow taller
3.)Stop being such an asshole
4.)Stop being such a racist
5.)Learn to be less aggresive
6.)Totally quit all my vices

As you can somehow infer from my above statements, I shall have a very bad year ahead of me. Mei you gen ni jiang de la!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

The Hiappest Day!

Met up with Hiappy and PC ytd! To buy stuff and marinate the chicken! Peektures from YTD!


So Hiap Seng told you with a smile, it's all about you!

The stuff we bought ytd. I think the overall cost 86 bucks. Accountability arh accountability.


Hiap Seng's matured actions!


Model for Khoo Kee Yong Tau Foo!


Mee pok tar-ing!


Erh. Nothing much to say!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

those pple who purposely donwana go just cuz they are too 'niao' to pay the $$...
u all go and die lah..
don't know how to enjoy...

Amen mens!

God I am so evil!

I just had a evil thought today! I so wanna make it happen! I'm gonna go down to the ChildCare centre later, and I shall tell those kids "Kor Kor has some very nice secrets to tell you all!" Then when the kids start to ask me what, I'm gonna tell them that Santa is not real! AHHHHHAAHAAAAHAAAAHAAAAA! I'm going to hell man.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Damn noisy mens!

My cousins are all sleeping over in my house! Creating a damn big ruckus! And even my frigging brother is joining them! Knn shake the house can?

Still remember the times when James, Johann and Bei used to come over to stay often. Damn fun! Used to play Risk and Monopoly and whatever shit. I would always lose. IIRC, I never fucking won once. But hey! Fun k?

When my cousins grow up, I doubt they will come over to stay anymore. I think it's sort of a grow up thing. But I do fucking home when they grow up, they can enjoy the memories like I fucking do now. Rock on mofos!

LPB called me WEI LIAN! @^#$@!#%!@#$! She said I'm a blind man leading a blind man! &^@#%@#$^%#! Cos I placed my frigging outline into the wrong outbox. And I helped Gerard and Amanda to put it there. So.... Ended up. Yeah.

Squeeze in post!

1 hour before exam! Time to squeeze in a post!

Went to study yesterday! 10 fucking hours of mugging mens. I swear, I put in more time on 1 subject then all the subjects during O fucking levels. Damn draining mens. I think after the exams I better go appease my God of Slackers. Time to stop doing work and play!!!

Friday, December 16, 2005

No more chionging of projects liao mens!

Yay! No more chionging of projects after today! It's time for games and booze and escape theme park and whatever nonsense my gang can think up of!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The artist I have always respected.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/life/3482034.html

The one and only Bill Waterson. In case you don't know, he's the guy who did Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes had always been a major part of my childhood I guess. I spent most of my time reading his works. It's the best.

He stopped doing comics after a while. Said that continuing will devalue his work. Man. Talk about morals and values. Rock on Mr Waterson!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The patron God of slackers hate me.

Damn it. I must have offended my patron God is some way! This whole bloody week is a mess. The debate on Monday was a mess. I hate migraine on Tuesday, and my group was screwed by Miss Lim. Wednesday was a mess cos I heard what happened on Tuesday. And today is the fucking worst. I wanted to pass up my MC, but I forgot. So I boarded the fucking bus. And it was like 2 stops after TP that I realised that. I went down, and walked to TP. Then I found out my MC was missing. CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT?! NI NA BEH CHAO CHEE BYE CHEE BYE LAN JIAO EXERCISE MADRE PUTRA PU BOR KIA! Wasted 1 day of slacking because of this! Better make some offerings to my God so that I can have back my slacker's luck.

Need to curb my expenditure. Damn overbudget liao. God, save me from this mess! Why do shit always happen near Jesus' birthday?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Still have not recovered!

Damn! The throat is still hurting after 3 weeks! It's not helping! Some more due to YTD's fucking #$%@#%#&%@#%!%^I*$^ debate, I gotten migraine. Diseased man. The next disease I will contract will be either tuberculosis or the Black Plague. God just wants me back to his Kingdom!

Saw Dena Ong at the POLYCLINIC just now! Hahahah! Damn cool. Must be don't wanna talk to uncle Neo that's why take MC 1. Relak only.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Talk about tenacity.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/11/29/officer.slain.ap/index.html

This brave officer was shot in the heart, and he continued chasing the gunman. Died later. This is what I call hiong.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

When every word you say feels like a thousand.

The title may sound emo, but it actually describes my throat. Damn. Can barely speak now. Don't think I'm going to school tomorrow. Nothing important anyway. LoT? Psyche? Macro-Econs?

Really need to rest more.

My throat is burning!

Ahh! Damn it! My throat feels like the bloody Sahara right now! Must be the ostrich I ate just now. Ok. Not funny!

People are falling sick left right center! Vanessa is in critical condition, Shi Ying is really sick, and now it's my damn turn! Tried everything to stop my throat from feeling so dry! Drank orange juice, beer, loads of water, lozenges and even some cognac! But nothing bloody works! Gotta get someone to perform faith healing. Shakalah!

Progressing on the Law of Tort. At least we have some sense on what the flying fuck is that. Can't say that for criminal law though. Relak la relak. Can't ESCAPE from the shackles of project work! Note the work ESCAPE! Ah pek! You owe us a fucking trip!

I still can't believe the former PM of Aussie called us barbaric and Chinese rogue port city. To my the trinity LHL, Nathan, CJ Yong Pang Hao, I salute you all for not bending.

Monday, November 21, 2005

MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

Damn it! I found the reason why my damn eyes are dis-proportionate! There's a weird growth on the right eye, on top of the right eye-lid! Damn it. Not comfortable arh. Gonna skip my LSM lesson to go to see the bloody doctor. I hope the doctor allows me to wear an eye patch! Damn pirate looking ok? Haha!

Friday, November 18, 2005

KBOXing is the best mens!

Damn fun day! Went to school at 9 o clock! Met up with Shi Ying. We actually wanted to go for MacroEcons lecture but, due to unforseen circumstances, we ended up in the project room!














I believe that I'm smart! But the book said no!















The expression on her face speaks a thousand words!















Just like a news reporter.















Intelligence babe. Intelligence.















I was sleeping!

Then after the photo sessions, me and Shi Ying drew stuff. The end result?




















This picture! The one with the camp on fire, the angel with some ugly alien, and the stick with the triangle head throwing the hadoken was done by Shi Ying. The others are done by me. Style ok! After this picture, we played pictionary! Shi Ying drew a Police man and a Van! Guess what's the word? MATHAVAN! HAHAHAHA! Damn nice word play la sis!

Vas came in and we played hangman. Then mud came and we played some more. Went to MBS. Damn boring. Nothing much!

Went KBOX! Knn. Shi Ying please go join Singapore Idol! Hahah! Sang songs by Chao Meng! They all damn cool la. Next time I wanna be like them! Hahah! Went home after that. Nothing much.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The pit booked liao mens!

The pit for Christmas eve is booked liao mens! Spread the Gospel!

BBQ Park : Pasir Ris Park
BBQ Area : 1
BBQ Pit : 36

The pit is near Coasta Sands Pasir Ris. Wanted to book near the park but the whole fucking pit is booked! So pai seh arh home boys and girls. Alight at Coasta Sands and walk there.

See you all!

Random Insanity!

My eyes' sizes are not proportionate now! Damn it! My right eye smaller then my right! I wanna wear an eyepatch!

Went to play pool with the gang yesterday. When we were walking towards Pavillion, there was this damn funny aunty!

Aunty:*Passes out some brochure.*Xiao di, yao bu yao lai ze li? (Wanna patronise my store or whatever)
KJ:*Look at the brochure* Eh aunty! Wo men quan bu shi qi shi ba shui yao jie hun?(Eh aunty! We 17-8 how to get married?)
Aunty:*Aiyah! Ze li ye ke yi pang ni da ban ma!(Aiyah! Here also can help you make over mah!)
KJ:Wo gou handsome liao la aunty!(I handsome enough liao la aunty!)

Guess the aunty thinks that I not handsome enough. Hahaha! Sorry arh. Gimme some chance to bueh hiao bai!

Today's Criminal Law was a bore! My tutor, Mr Mathavan, was exactly like Mr Reginald Johns! He wears a watch on his left hand, a digital Casio or something, and he speaks EXACTLY LIKE HIM! The deep voice! Damn it! Mr Johns has a long lost brother! Crim Law was boring tho. Was playing those "fortune telling" games with a piece of paper. The one which you have to fold into some squarish shapes and have those fortunes written on it. hahah! The fortunes were all biased tho! Only 1 No! The rest all yes!

Went to MaryBrown! Played more party games like Seven Up, 007 and the yi ji qing wa tiao sia shui(One frog jumps into the water. Bleh.) Damn fun ok!

Ok. Enough typing! Time to relak one corner in a circular room!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Knn. Your new photo look HIDEOUS. You should know who you are.

LSM 2's tutor suck. She wasn't like Mrs Kurup, who would tell us a lot of stuff about the law. She would just say, you interested? Go find out. WTF. Please Mrs Kurup, change 1L05's tutor.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Changed my blog title + skin! Upgrade babe. From manofnoregrets to thebengnextdoor.

First week of school was fun! Psycho was a rocker. The lecturer was like Willy Wonka! He was slender, tall, and caucasian, and he was the most eccentric person I ever known. My idol babe. Instead of pointing at a person, and asking the unlucky chap to answer, he throws POKEBALLS! Where can you find such a great teacher?! He is my idol!

Played badminton with the other 2 law zais. Damn tired babe. 3 hours straight! Now my arms and legs ache.

Gotta go get myself a new bag. See you bengs and lians!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Friday, November 04, 2005

School is starting! 2 more days before going to TP everyday. As I mentioned 6 months ago, life is always a big dilemma. You won't really learn to appreciate something after you lose it. Sounds cliche, but look! When at the start of the hols, I was like "Knn! 2 and a half months? Zho lan?" now I am "Knn. So many things haven't do then kui Oh liao. Dui arh!"

This semester, I am so gonna study. Last sem's results were abysmal! Must TRY to attend all lectures and TRY not to fall sick.

I'm just pulling words out of my ass now so I shall present to you all a 4D sculpture. Mr Zhen Hao and Miss Jia Ying, as design students, you all must try to make a 4D model!

http://www.physorg.com/news7409.html

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Man I hate Winamp "What's playing" function. I was looking at you know, erm...stuff.....when I realised the fucking program was broadcasting what I saw to the bloody INTARWEB! Knn pai seh siaz.

Just redeemed Jay's new album! For those we are still hesitating whether to buy his new album, please, buy it! It's worth the $20 bucks!

Thank you Jay Chou for making my life complete.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Just finished watching Cowboy Bebop! Damn sad anime. BTW this anime features Singapore in one of it's episodes. Cosmopolitan babe!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

School's starting in 2 weeks time. Die boy.

Met c1 and eug just now. Went to KBOX. Sang lots of songs. This time, we didn't sing the standard amount of Jay Chou songs! What we did was to sing Shao Nian by Guang Liang. A lot of times. KBOXing when there's only 3 people rocks!
















Being a construction worker is cool!
















Classic Ah Beng style.















Wei Lian'd!















Rocker Lifestyle!















Just like Aragorn! But Aragorn don't have the specs!















KJ and the Wand Of Stupidity















Climbing the corporate ladder!















Smiling is not allowed in the construction yard.















Enough said! Ask for more details -X















Songs are for everyone!















Doggy style!















Juliet! Please get down!















Bennified.















Rocker on a rocker.















Wry smile.















Randy and the wand.















Wei Lian and his guitar!















Shopping spree!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kwek Kiat Jun V Storm HairDressing Pte Ltd

Celestial Court

[2005] WLR 283

Hearing-Dates: 18 October 2005

18 October 2005

Catchwords:
Contract - Defendants can go suck my balls.

Headnote:
The plaintiff, a student, went to Company Storm HairDressing Pte Ltd(Hereby known as Storm), to cut his hair. An employee of Storm, a Serene, however, against the Plaintiff's wishes, cut the plaintiff's fringe to lengths unacceptable. This, inter alia, caused the plaintiff great distraught. The plaintiff considered suicide. After much words from the Plaintiff's friend, a Tang Pin Chen, the plaintiff decided to sue Storm Hairdressing for causing distraught. The case proceeded to the House Of Satire.

Held - The plaintiff is awarded damages for the following reasons -

(i) Defendant's employee, Serene, has a track record for giving bad haircuts.
(ii) The employee, Serene, did not follow the Plaintiff's directions. The plaintiff asked Serene to pass him the "style book", which Serene failed to do so. Also, Serene cut the Plaintiff's fringe to a length unacceptable, which the Plaintiff told her to "trim".
(iii) The defendant's employee gave the Plaintiff a rush job as the employee Serene had an appointment. However, the defendant owe the Plaintiff a certain degree of workmanship which the defendant failed to do so.

Per Curiam i) Much of the difficulty of this case lies on the terminology "unacceptable length." and "trim". The defendants argued that the length to cut is within the perogative of the employee, as the employee is a professional, thus knowing the exact length to cut. However, the court decides that the plaintiff is to be informed, which the employee failed to do so.

Notes:

This is a satire. The author will not hold any responsibilty for any cases won or lost, or any resemblance to any cases or people, alive or dead.

Cases Referred to:

Randy VS Storm Hairdressing Pte Ltd 2004
Xing Xiang VS Monsoon 2005

Introduction:

Please read headnote for more detail. The author does not wish to type out any more background infomation. Don't laugh Sheree.

Counsel:
Tang Pin Chen, Talk Cock Advocates and Solicitors for Plaintiff. Cheryl Tang, Has Three Breast Ha Ha Ha for Defendant.

Panel:
Lord Bao Qing Tian, Lady Guan Yin Ma, Lord Jesus Christ.

Judgement-1: Lord Bao Qing Tian

Judgement 1
KJ is handsome. K THNX BYE. Serene is in the wrong. If this was the dynasty I lived in, Serene would have gotten beheaded.

Judgement-2: Lady Guan Yin Ma

Judgement 2
Please refrain from beheading Serene. Compassion is the key to life. Orh Mee Tuo Fuo.

Judgement-3: Lord Jesus Christ

Judgement 3
Thou thinketh that if thee Lord Bao were to beheadeth Serene, Thou willeth resurrecteth Serene, for Serene is a Christianth name, and if thee Lord Bao were to executeth, he shalt executeth Judas, who betrayeth thou. Amen.

Disposition
Storm Hairdressing Pte Ltd will sacrifice a goat for Lord Jesus Christ, and to pay the Plaintiff for damages, in amount of $1000000000 hell notes or incense, or both, whatever the Plaintiff deems correct.

Court Dismissed.
going out to buy a nice T shirt later!

Listened to Jay Chou's Ye Chu. Moonlight Sonata or something. Or Nocturne. Jay's signature style. At first I hate that song. The more you listen the more you like it. And you can only understand it if you have the lyrics. ATTA JAY!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Those willing to sacrifice civil rights for social security should deserve neither.

How I wish everyone understands this phrase. I'm sick and tired of when I tell people I want to vote for Opposition, everyone says that I'm an ingrate. There's no gratefulness in politics; only the present and the future. The past are ashes. I wish that I can blog out all my thoughts without fear of the bloody sedition act, not that what I wanna say is racist or whatever. I'm sick of censoring what I wanna say cos' the Party might sue me. Damn it.

Singapore is independent for what? 40 years? For the overwhelming majority of these 40 years, we have been living in peace with our other friends. Is there even a need for the sedition act anymore? I doubt so. If we still cannot learn to live in peace with others after 40 years, I don't think I will be proud to live in this country anyway. The sedition act is outdated in my opinion. Not that my opinion is worth anything, but it's my damn opinion anyway.

Friday, October 07, 2005

What a hectic week!

Sunday

Visited my brother at SAFTI. Hmm. He looks mature now! Damn fit arh boy! SAFTI may look like paradise outside, but it's more like Auswitz Concentration Camp. A lot of wayanging and stuff. Not gonna elaborate. Might get sued for Defamation or something.

Anyway, when I was in the car, bad news struck. My cousin died. Yup. She was 12. Cogential heart disease robbed my cousin's life away. I still remember what she said. She said she sooo wanna live. Now she's gone. May you rest in peace girl.

Monday

Went to Aljunied to paste stickers. My job ok? After pasting shit for 10 hours, I went to my cousin's funeral. Damn heart breaking. The mother was so....lost. She weren't crying, but her eyes showed no emotions. Just...eyes. Glazed. It's really sad to lose your daughter to some bird shit disease. They chanted Buddhist scriptures. And after chanting, guess what? They arranged to play Christian hymms as my cousin wanted to be a C Girl. Weird eh. Went home.

Tuesday

Went to the funeral. This time it was to go to the crematorium. The mother let out a scream that really sounded....primal? The aunt gave an eulogy of sorts. I soo wanted to cry then. But for some reason, I can't? Went to the crematorium. Damn high tech there. There's this thingy that raised the coffin, this thingy to send the coffin into the...erm...furnace or something. Death is efficient huh? Went home after that. Tired. Slept.

Wednesday.

Went to work. Received another weird news? Jeslyn called 18 siao down to whack someone! At first I fucking don't believe. But guess what? It was true? Jeslyn, 18 siaoer? HAHAHA! The thing got snowballed to something big. Time for Thursday.

Thursday.

Went to take my CSA paper. Won't elaborate. Boring. Kimberly called me. She said Jeslyn and someone got charged for rioting? At first I thought Kimberly was charged too. So I went down to TPSS. I had evidence arh. Talked to Michael Toh. Talked to Bernard. Lol. I really hope Jeslyn goes to Girls Home arh. Lets see.

Being a member of an unlawful assembly.
142. Whoever, being aware of facts which render any assembly an unlawful assembly, intentionally joins that assembly, or continues in it, is said to be a member of an unlawful assembly.

Punishment.
142. Whoever is a member of an unlawful assembly, shall be punished with imprisonment for a tem which may extend to 6 months, or with fine, or both.

hope you get your 6 months Jeslyn.

Friday, September 30, 2005

I've learned a valuable lesson from these 3 weeks. Nothing can bring back the feelings. Nothing. I was truely the fool. Aren't we all? When the truth is right smack in front of your face, and yet, somehow, you will never see it.

I still remember that day, one year ago. It was magical. Soon after the O levels. We went to CHJIMES. Sat at the well, telling stories. I'd long forgotten what she had told me, but there was this one thing I will always remember. I caught her gaze, and stared right into the darkness of her pupils. Eternity stared back. In that one moment, I was lost in the cosmos in her eyes. I would give everything now, to have that moment back. To be like a kid in love.

Those times really rocked I guess. I would wake up and smile to myself, and think "gee, what will happen today?", unlike now. These few weeks were really a torture. The feeling of being tied down. The feeling of dread. Every waking hour, I get these feelings.

The fault lies in me. But guess what? I like being in fault.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Dummies Guide For Friendster Singaporean Girls Classification

Let's face it; friendster (http://www.friendster.com) is a labyrinth. There is a myriad of different people inside, each with their own quirks. Today, let KJ teach you all the basics of classifying the girls you find in Friendster!

Just a few pointers to note.

a) Girls in friendster are seldom 18 and above. Often, they are minors. No sex for you all busters.

b)Pictures may speak a thousand words, but those words are lies. The super HAWT chick you stumble upon may just be another JCEX. Guess what JCEX is. Ask Mr Pin Chen or Busted boy if you wanna know.

c)The profiles are coated with honey. The girl may claim that she speak French, Deutch and Japanese, but often, they use translators. Just like JCEX.

Ok. With the pointers out of the way, now lets go into the main points of this blog post! The classifications of singaporean girls!

There are 1 sub type/s of SG girls found in Friendster. They are a)Acttcuttetessw0rx. Further research on the other subtypes are taking place now, thanks to the courtesy of Jie Jun, our chief researcher/editor.

A)Acttcuttetessworx. Never seen them in Friendster before? Go check JCEX's friendster account and you will see a prime example! A sample of their profile reads something like this:

Miee ishh a f0urrteenn yearrs 0ldd gurrl wh00 l0rbbe t00
[X]l000kk att starrxx[X]
[X]surff fwendsterr[X]
[X]euu[X]

As you can see, one of the main characteristics of A type girls in Friendster is they typpe liekk disshh. I swear to you all, it takes 1 bloody company of Code Breakers in the M16 intelligence unit to break that bloody code. But yet they persist.

Another characteristic of A) type girls is their 1337 photography skillz. They will take photos like this:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

As beautifully illustrated by the Chief Illustrator Kiat Jun, this illustration shows how A) type girls take photos. Their camera, usually a phone camera, is tilted in such a degree that the photo shows the HUMONGOUS eyes of the girl. And what's more, often, they fill their mouths with air so that their cheeks are bloated up, like some kind of pufferfish. Like this.

Illustration not realistic so as not to resemble any person, living or dead.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The reason for making themselves look like modern Medusas is yet unknown. Our chief researcher, Jie Jun, thinks that it might be ingrained in their genes. The author KJ has enlisted help from various experts like Zhen "Busted Boy" Hao and Pin "Chenster"Chen for help. The results will be out in the next issue of Dummies Guide. Thank you.






Sunday, September 25, 2005

Been playing this puzzle game introduced by Zhen Hao yesterday. Fun. There's like 60+ levels, and each of them contains a puzzle of some sort. Went to level 29 yesterday. The game is quite easy at this point. Except level 20.

You know what level 20 is about? ITS ABOUT MATH! @$#%#@! They gave me some fraction stuff to solve. And those in 4E4 will know that I know nuts about math. So I had to spend 1 bloody hour on 1 simple sum. Great Einstein.

Monday, September 19, 2005

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.
That doesn't mean you don't rock out...
You just rock out with meaning.
For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.


Your Birthdate: July 31

Your birthday suggests that you are a good organizer and manager, an energetic and dependable worker; attributes often showing success in the business world.
Serious and sincere, you have the patience and determination necessary to accomplish a great deal.

Your approach can be original, but often rigid and stubborn.
Sensitivity may be present, but feeling are likely to be repressed.
You are good with detail and insist on accuracy, but at times scatter energies.

You're a practical thinker, but not without imagination.
You love travel and don't like to live alone.
You should probably marry early, for responsibility is necessary for your stability.



WTF?! I should probably marry early? Oh Christ.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

The first week of the hols is over. State of mind : Ennui. Damn boring at home la!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

God! Einstein has proven that Jeslyn is ugly! It will now be accepted as a universal truth! All hail Einstein!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Nowadays, Toys R Us seem to hold a certain allure on me!

Like this picture. The manofnoregrets with the golden gun! Just like Mr Bond! If only I can have the hot babes Bond always seem to have too......









Someday, KJ is going to be the next Jimi Hendrix! Look at the style! The allure! The passion!












But even SuperStars need have sunglasses to look cool! Note the difference between Ah Chen and me! Who's cooler? KJ right!?












Ready for battle anytime! Just like Gimli! But I taller then Gimli ok!? I not dwarf!













The gheyness is apparent in this photo.













I ain't much better either......

Sunday, September 11, 2005

It's September 11. Man. Hard to believe that 4 years ago, 2 planes hit America. How time flies. The people of America lost their sons, fathers, daughters and whatever for 4 years. And Bush is sending more sons and fathers and daughters and mothers to fight some bloody bullshit war. Amen brudda.

So, exams are over. Besides the catastrophic CSA exam, the rest was easy. Law was average. Gerrard was the man. Left the room in 1 hour. And I thought I could blaze the way for my fellow students. So much for my happy ending.

1 semester in Poly is over in a flash? What the fck. I just barely started to like my class and snap! Time for a new class! But I guess Law is lucky. We have 150 sad souls in the course, and I guess we 150 really can bond together or something.

When I first entered Law, I was like, "Shit!" WTF and I, KJ the LawBane, inside Law? But Fate raised her cruel head and shoved my inside. Great. So I entered the course with an empty mind but a couragous heart. And my courage nearly failed. Everyone was like, good English speakers and they seem to fcking know everything about the Law, including CJ's wife? And here I am, KJ the LawBane, mixing around with them. I thought the people inside were posers. They sounded artificial, not like good ole' 4E4. They all came from some top schools or something, and there was KJ, from Tampines Sec. Great. The underdog.

But then, after some time, you could sort of see that everyone was just like you in a way? They were all trying to carve out their own destiny from this helluva course called Law and Management, and many, contary to my belief, are not muggers? In fact, 1L05 is just like 4E4, we are a bunch of slackers, trying to float our own boats. And they ain't no Englishmen either. Some of us barely speak proper English! And I have great friends like Ah Pek Mud, Shi "Red" Ying, Vickie, Sheena and gang. We are plain Joes and Janes. And Law is not the mystical subject I thought it would be. I'm so glad I'm in Law. This course totally changed my perspective in life.

And this is only the first semester.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Exams are almost over! Final paper later! Law! Then it will be milk and honey for 9 months! Song boh JC people?

The first paper was CSA. Not for me anyway. Because I didn't fcking attend the paper. That's right. KJ did not fcking attend the paper. I thought it was 11.30! BUT NOOO! The time 9.30 did not register into my mind, and only 11.30 was scribed into my brain. And so KJ went to school at 11.30.

*calls Shi Ying*

SY: Eh? Why you today never go exam?
KJ: Huh? Not 11.30?
SY: No la! 9.30!

At first I thought it was a terrible joke. Scared the living jesus out of me. I asked again, but NOOO! It's really 11.30! Now imagine this. Picture this in your mind. The subject you could have aced, but because of some phantom numbers dancing in your mind, you missed it. Amen.

So poor KJ had to travel to the Polyclinic. Where all the diseased people gathers. And KJ had to think of some disease. KJ waited for another half hour before the bloody doctor attended to me.

Doc: So what happened to you?
KJ: Stomache ache.....(piteous tone)
Doc: Ok lie down on the bed. Let me inspect you.
KJ: Sure doc...
Doc: *Starts to knock everywhere on my stomache
Doc: Where pain?

At this moment, a flashback happened! I sort of thought back to Mr Hafiz's lesson on where the intestine is.....

KJ: Erh....here!
Doc: Oooo! What did you eat yesterday?

Flashback to yesterday again. Beer plus some fish stuff.

KJ: Erh...Nor Hiong Heh Pia!
Doc: OOO! You got stomache flu or something!
KJ: I guess so......
Doc: Here is your MC!

The fcken doc told me something about the Polyclinic procedure of MC being standardised. Important point to note. I believed that fucker. I paid my money and went to Expo to study. Hoever, Fate raised her cruel head once more, inflicting me with more trouble. KJ called Phillis Chong, his CSA teacher. She told her the school needs the exemption shit! OH MY GOD OH NOES! Then, KJ had to spend another 12 fucking bucks on another MC, this time with success. God. I hate doctors. And they said that lawyers lie. It's the damn doctors that lie!

Thus ended 1 day of exams. Cool shit huh.