Talk about tenacity.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/11/29/officer.slain.ap/index.html

This brave officer was shot in the heart, and he continued chasing the gunman. Died later. This is what I call hiong.

When every word you say feels like a thousand.

The title may sound emo, but it actually describes my throat. Damn. Can barely speak now. Don't think I'm going to school tomorrow. Nothing important anyway. LoT? Psyche? Macro-Econs?

Really need to rest more.

My throat is burning!

Ahh! Damn it! My throat feels like the bloody Sahara right now! Must be the ostrich I ate just now. Ok. Not funny!

People are falling sick left right center! Vanessa is in critical condition, Shi Ying is really sick, and now it's my damn turn! Tried everything to stop my throat from feeling so dry! Drank orange juice, beer, loads of water, lozenges and even some cognac! But nothing bloody works! Gotta get someone to perform faith healing. Shakalah!

Progressing on the Law of Tort. At least we have some sense on what the flying fuck is that. Can't say that for criminal law though. Relak la relak. Can't ESCAPE from the shackles of project work! Note the work ESCAPE! Ah pek! You owe us a fucking trip!

I still can't believe the former PM of Aussie called us barbaric and Chinese rogue port city. To my the trinity LHL, Nathan, CJ Yong Pang Hao, I salute you all for not bending.

MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

Damn it! I found the reason why my damn eyes are dis-proportionate! There's a weird growth on the right eye, on top of the right eye-lid! Damn it. Not comfortable arh. Gonna skip my LSM lesson to go to see the bloody doctor. I hope the doctor allows me to wear an eye patch! Damn pirate looking ok? Haha!

KBOXing is the best mens!

Damn fun day! Went to school at 9 o clock! Met up with Shi Ying. We actually wanted to go for MacroEcons lecture but, due to unforseen circumstances, we ended up in the project room!














I believe that I'm smart! But the book said no!















The expression on her face speaks a thousand words!















Just like a news reporter.















Intelligence babe. Intelligence.















I was sleeping!

Then after the photo sessions, me and Shi Ying drew stuff. The end result?




















This picture! The one with the camp on fire, the angel with some ugly alien, and the stick with the triangle head throwing the hadoken was done by Shi Ying. The others are done by me. Style ok! After this picture, we played pictionary! Shi Ying drew a Police man and a Van! Guess what's the word? MATHAVAN! HAHAHAHA! Damn nice word play la sis!

Vas came in and we played hangman. Then mud came and we played some more. Went to MBS. Damn boring. Nothing much!

Went KBOX! Knn. Shi Ying please go join Singapore Idol! Hahah! Sang songs by Chao Meng! They all damn cool la. Next time I wanna be like them! Hahah! Went home after that. Nothing much.

The pit booked liao mens!

The pit for Christmas eve is booked liao mens! Spread the Gospel!

BBQ Park : Pasir Ris Park
BBQ Area : 1
BBQ Pit : 36

The pit is near Coasta Sands Pasir Ris. Wanted to book near the park but the whole fucking pit is booked! So pai seh arh home boys and girls. Alight at Coasta Sands and walk there.

See you all!

Random Insanity!

My eyes' sizes are not proportionate now! Damn it! My right eye smaller then my right! I wanna wear an eyepatch!

Went to play pool with the gang yesterday. When we were walking towards Pavillion, there was this damn funny aunty!

Aunty:*Passes out some brochure.*Xiao di, yao bu yao lai ze li? (Wanna patronise my store or whatever)
KJ:*Look at the brochure* Eh aunty! Wo men quan bu shi qi shi ba shui yao jie hun?(Eh aunty! We 17-8 how to get married?)
Aunty:*Aiyah! Ze li ye ke yi pang ni da ban ma!(Aiyah! Here also can help you make over mah!)
KJ:Wo gou handsome liao la aunty!(I handsome enough liao la aunty!)

Guess the aunty thinks that I not handsome enough. Hahaha! Sorry arh. Gimme some chance to bueh hiao bai!

Today's Criminal Law was a bore! My tutor, Mr Mathavan, was exactly like Mr Reginald Johns! He wears a watch on his left hand, a digital Casio or something, and he speaks EXACTLY LIKE HIM! The deep voice! Damn it! Mr Johns has a long lost brother! Crim Law was boring tho. Was playing those "fortune telling" games with a piece of paper. The one which you have to fold into some squarish shapes and have those fortunes written on it. hahah! The fortunes were all biased tho! Only 1 No! The rest all yes!

Went to MaryBrown! Played more party games like Seven Up, 007 and the yi ji qing wa tiao sia shui(One frog jumps into the water. Bleh.) Damn fun ok!

Ok. Enough typing! Time to relak one corner in a circular room!

Knn. Your new photo look HIDEOUS. You should know who you are.

LSM 2's tutor suck. She wasn't like Mrs Kurup, who would tell us a lot of stuff about the law. She would just say, you interested? Go find out. WTF. Please Mrs Kurup, change 1L05's tutor.

Changed my blog title + skin! Upgrade babe. From manofnoregrets to thebengnextdoor.

First week of school was fun! Psycho was a rocker. The lecturer was like Willy Wonka! He was slender, tall, and caucasian, and he was the most eccentric person I ever known. My idol babe. Instead of pointing at a person, and asking the unlucky chap to answer, he throws POKEBALLS! Where can you find such a great teacher?! He is my idol!

Played badminton with the other 2 law zais. Damn tired babe. 3 hours straight! Now my arms and legs ache.

Gotta go get myself a new bag. See you bengs and lians!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

School is starting! 2 more days before going to TP everyday. As I mentioned 6 months ago, life is always a big dilemma. You won't really learn to appreciate something after you lose it. Sounds cliche, but look! When at the start of the hols, I was like "Knn! 2 and a half months? Zho lan?" now I am "Knn. So many things haven't do then kui Oh liao. Dui arh!"

This semester, I am so gonna study. Last sem's results were abysmal! Must TRY to attend all lectures and TRY not to fall sick.

I'm just pulling words out of my ass now so I shall present to you all a 4D sculpture. Mr Zhen Hao and Miss Jia Ying, as design students, you all must try to make a 4D model!

http://www.physorg.com/news7409.html

Man I hate Winamp "What's playing" function. I was looking at you know, erm...stuff.....when I realised the fucking program was broadcasting what I saw to the bloody INTARWEB! Knn pai seh siaz.

Just redeemed Jay's new album! For those we are still hesitating whether to buy his new album, please, buy it! It's worth the $20 bucks!

Thank you Jay Chou for making my life complete.

Just finished watching Cowboy Bebop! Damn sad anime. BTW this anime features Singapore in one of it's episodes. Cosmopolitan babe!

School's starting in 2 weeks time. Die boy.

Met c1 and eug just now. Went to KBOX. Sang lots of songs. This time, we didn't sing the standard amount of Jay Chou songs! What we did was to sing Shao Nian by Guang Liang. A lot of times. KBOXing when there's only 3 people rocks!
















Being a construction worker is cool!
















Classic Ah Beng style.















Wei Lian'd!















Rocker Lifestyle!















Just like Aragorn! But Aragorn don't have the specs!















KJ and the Wand Of Stupidity















Climbing the corporate ladder!















Smiling is not allowed in the construction yard.















Enough said! Ask for more details -X















Songs are for everyone!















Doggy style!















Juliet! Please get down!















Bennified.















Rocker on a rocker.















Wry smile.















Randy and the wand.















Wei Lian and his guitar!















Shopping spree!

Kwek Kiat Jun V Storm HairDressing Pte Ltd

Celestial Court

[2005] WLR 283

Hearing-Dates: 18 October 2005

18 October 2005

Catchwords:
Contract - Defendants can go suck my balls.

Headnote:
The plaintiff, a student, went to Company Storm HairDressing Pte Ltd(Hereby known as Storm), to cut his hair. An employee of Storm, a Serene, however, against the Plaintiff's wishes, cut the plaintiff's fringe to lengths unacceptable. This, inter alia, caused the plaintiff great distraught. The plaintiff considered suicide. After much words from the Plaintiff's friend, a Tang Pin Chen, the plaintiff decided to sue Storm Hairdressing for causing distraught. The case proceeded to the House Of Satire.

Held - The plaintiff is awarded damages for the following reasons -

(i) Defendant's employee, Serene, has a track record for giving bad haircuts.
(ii) The employee, Serene, did not follow the Plaintiff's directions. The plaintiff asked Serene to pass him the "style book", which Serene failed to do so. Also, Serene cut the Plaintiff's fringe to a length unacceptable, which the Plaintiff told her to "trim".
(iii) The defendant's employee gave the Plaintiff a rush job as the employee Serene had an appointment. However, the defendant owe the Plaintiff a certain degree of workmanship which the defendant failed to do so.

Per Curiam i) Much of the difficulty of this case lies on the terminology "unacceptable length." and "trim". The defendants argued that the length to cut is within the perogative of the employee, as the employee is a professional, thus knowing the exact length to cut. However, the court decides that the plaintiff is to be informed, which the employee failed to do so.

Notes:

This is a satire. The author will not hold any responsibilty for any cases won or lost, or any resemblance to any cases or people, alive or dead.

Cases Referred to:

Randy VS Storm Hairdressing Pte Ltd 2004
Xing Xiang VS Monsoon 2005

Introduction:

Please read headnote for more detail. The author does not wish to type out any more background infomation. Don't laugh Sheree.

Counsel:
Tang Pin Chen, Talk Cock Advocates and Solicitors for Plaintiff. Cheryl Tang, Has Three Breast Ha Ha Ha for Defendant.

Panel:
Lord Bao Qing Tian, Lady Guan Yin Ma, Lord Jesus Christ.

Judgement-1: Lord Bao Qing Tian

Judgement 1
KJ is handsome. K THNX BYE. Serene is in the wrong. If this was the dynasty I lived in, Serene would have gotten beheaded.

Judgement-2: Lady Guan Yin Ma

Judgement 2
Please refrain from beheading Serene. Compassion is the key to life. Orh Mee Tuo Fuo.

Judgement-3: Lord Jesus Christ

Judgement 3
Thou thinketh that if thee Lord Bao were to beheadeth Serene, Thou willeth resurrecteth Serene, for Serene is a Christianth name, and if thee Lord Bao were to executeth, he shalt executeth Judas, who betrayeth thou. Amen.

Disposition
Storm Hairdressing Pte Ltd will sacrifice a goat for Lord Jesus Christ, and to pay the Plaintiff for damages, in amount of $1000000000 hell notes or incense, or both, whatever the Plaintiff deems correct.

Court Dismissed.

going out to buy a nice T shirt later!

Listened to Jay Chou's Ye Chu. Moonlight Sonata or something. Or Nocturne. Jay's signature style. At first I hate that song. The more you listen the more you like it. And you can only understand it if you have the lyrics. ATTA JAY!

Those willing to sacrifice civil rights for social security should deserve neither.

How I wish everyone understands this phrase. I'm sick and tired of when I tell people I want to vote for Opposition, everyone says that I'm an ingrate. There's no gratefulness in politics; only the present and the future. The past are ashes. I wish that I can blog out all my thoughts without fear of the bloody sedition act, not that what I wanna say is racist or whatever. I'm sick of censoring what I wanna say cos' the Party might sue me. Damn it.

Singapore is independent for what? 40 years? For the overwhelming majority of these 40 years, we have been living in peace with our other friends. Is there even a need for the sedition act anymore? I doubt so. If we still cannot learn to live in peace with others after 40 years, I don't think I will be proud to live in this country anyway. The sedition act is outdated in my opinion. Not that my opinion is worth anything, but it's my damn opinion anyway.

What a hectic week!

Sunday

Visited my brother at SAFTI. Hmm. He looks mature now! Damn fit arh boy! SAFTI may look like paradise outside, but it's more like Auswitz Concentration Camp. A lot of wayanging and stuff. Not gonna elaborate. Might get sued for Defamation or something.

Anyway, when I was in the car, bad news struck. My cousin died. Yup. She was 12. Cogential heart disease robbed my cousin's life away. I still remember what she said. She said she sooo wanna live. Now she's gone. May you rest in peace girl.

Monday

Went to Aljunied to paste stickers. My job ok? After pasting shit for 10 hours, I went to my cousin's funeral. Damn heart breaking. The mother was so....lost. She weren't crying, but her eyes showed no emotions. Just...eyes. Glazed. It's really sad to lose your daughter to some bird shit disease. They chanted Buddhist scriptures. And after chanting, guess what? They arranged to play Christian hymms as my cousin wanted to be a C Girl. Weird eh. Went home.

Tuesday

Went to the funeral. This time it was to go to the crematorium. The mother let out a scream that really sounded....primal? The aunt gave an eulogy of sorts. I soo wanted to cry then. But for some reason, I can't? Went to the crematorium. Damn high tech there. There's this thingy that raised the coffin, this thingy to send the coffin into the...erm...furnace or something. Death is efficient huh? Went home after that. Tired. Slept.

Wednesday.

Went to work. Received another weird news? Jeslyn called 18 siao down to whack someone! At first I fucking don't believe. But guess what? It was true? Jeslyn, 18 siaoer? HAHAHA! The thing got snowballed to something big. Time for Thursday.

Thursday.

Went to take my CSA paper. Won't elaborate. Boring. Kimberly called me. She said Jeslyn and someone got charged for rioting? At first I thought Kimberly was charged too. So I went down to TPSS. I had evidence arh. Talked to Michael Toh. Talked to Bernard. Lol. I really hope Jeslyn goes to Girls Home arh. Lets see.

Being a member of an unlawful assembly.
142. Whoever, being aware of facts which render any assembly an unlawful assembly, intentionally joins that assembly, or continues in it, is said to be a member of an unlawful assembly.

Punishment.
142. Whoever is a member of an unlawful assembly, shall be punished with imprisonment for a tem which may extend to 6 months, or with fine, or both.

hope you get your 6 months Jeslyn.

I've learned a valuable lesson from these 3 weeks. Nothing can bring back the feelings. Nothing. I was truely the fool. Aren't we all? When the truth is right smack in front of your face, and yet, somehow, you will never see it.

I still remember that day, one year ago. It was magical. Soon after the O levels. We went to CHJIMES. Sat at the well, telling stories. I'd long forgotten what she had told me, but there was this one thing I will always remember. I caught her gaze, and stared right into the darkness of her pupils. Eternity stared back. In that one moment, I was lost in the cosmos in her eyes. I would give everything now, to have that moment back. To be like a kid in love.

Those times really rocked I guess. I would wake up and smile to myself, and think "gee, what will happen today?", unlike now. These few weeks were really a torture. The feeling of being tied down. The feeling of dread. Every waking hour, I get these feelings.

The fault lies in me. But guess what? I like being in fault.

The Dummies Guide For Friendster Singaporean Girls Classification

Let's face it; friendster (http://www.friendster.com) is a labyrinth. There is a myriad of different people inside, each with their own quirks. Today, let KJ teach you all the basics of classifying the girls you find in Friendster!

Just a few pointers to note.

a) Girls in friendster are seldom 18 and above. Often, they are minors. No sex for you all busters.

b)Pictures may speak a thousand words, but those words are lies. The super HAWT chick you stumble upon may just be another JCEX. Guess what JCEX is. Ask Mr Pin Chen or Busted boy if you wanna know.

c)The profiles are coated with honey. The girl may claim that she speak French, Deutch and Japanese, but often, they use translators. Just like JCEX.

Ok. With the pointers out of the way, now lets go into the main points of this blog post! The classifications of singaporean girls!

There are 1 sub type/s of SG girls found in Friendster. They are a)Acttcuttetessw0rx. Further research on the other subtypes are taking place now, thanks to the courtesy of Jie Jun, our chief researcher/editor.

A)Acttcuttetessworx. Never seen them in Friendster before? Go check JCEX's friendster account and you will see a prime example! A sample of their profile reads something like this:

Miee ishh a f0urrteenn yearrs 0ldd gurrl wh00 l0rbbe t00
[X]l000kk att starrxx[X]
[X]surff fwendsterr[X]
[X]euu[X]

As you can see, one of the main characteristics of A type girls in Friendster is they typpe liekk disshh. I swear to you all, it takes 1 bloody company of Code Breakers in the M16 intelligence unit to break that bloody code. But yet they persist.

Another characteristic of A) type girls is their 1337 photography skillz. They will take photos like this:



As beautifully illustrated by the Chief Illustrator Kiat Jun, this illustration shows how A) type girls take photos. Their camera, usually a phone camera, is tilted in such a degree that the photo shows the HUMONGOUS eyes of the girl. And what's more, often, they fill their mouths with air so that their cheeks are bloated up, like some kind of pufferfish. Like this.

Illustration not realistic so as not to resemble any person, living or dead.

The reason for making themselves look like modern Medusas is yet unknown. Our chief researcher, Jie Jun, thinks that it might be ingrained in their genes. The author KJ has enlisted help from various experts like Zhen "Busted Boy" Hao and Pin "Chenster"Chen for help. The results will be out in the next issue of Dummies Guide. Thank you.